May 8, 2026
Who would have thought that the first post of the month of May on my blog would be dedicated to my mother… Yesterday, in the early morning, she passed away at the age of 90. We were gearing up for her 91the birthday in July, but that milestone is now lost. These are sad days. My mom, Alie, lived in the Netherlands, my native country. And her passing was so unexpected that I could not possibly get there in time to say my goodbyes. Living in Canada at such a time is a terrible disavantage
On Monday we had no inkling of what was to come. Yes, my mom had suffered from mild dementia these past 2 years and of course a body of that age has some wear and tear. But basically she was incredibly strong and relatively healthy. And we were all looking forward to celebrating her 91th; I had (and have) an extended stay booked in mere weeks for just that occasion. We will now remember her on her birthday with a celebration of life instead. Who would have thought…
A quick departure like this is hardest on those who are left behind. My sister and I are now the last of the Mohicans in our family tree when it comes to our particular strain of DNA, since neither of us have kids of our own. Our lives have been heavily coloured by my mom’s attitude in life. She was the epitome of an optimist. She hated conflict and did her utmost never to participate in it. Instead, she would always focus on silver linings. She lived through her share of disasters, the worst being the sudden death of her beloved younger sister Marrie, who perished in a car accident. It shook our family to the core. I personally was devastated as my aunt Marrie was my absolute favourite person in life at the time. That too was a quick departure, and totally unexpected at the tender age of 31. Maybe quickness runs in the family….
My mom’s life motto was simple: “We have to go on.” And so my sister and I now have to hold strong to that motto. Remembering only the positive, no worries about the future. Enjoy today to the fullest. Worries may never materialise, after all. “All will be well”, was my mom’s answer to whatever we shared with her when we were fretting about something (“Komt goed!” in Dutch). I will remember her as a warm and funny sun in our life. A wonderful counterweight to whatever drama was playing out. With an attitude of bravery in adversity and a quiet acceptance of whatever was happening that she could not change.
Her humour will also forever stay with me. She made us laugh so often to the point of almost peeing our pants with her crazy antics. I am sure some stories will be told during her celebration of life! She lived life on her own terms. She was not easily swayed off her chosen path. She has passed into the next world on her own terms as well. Quickly and with a minimum of suffering. More laughs and more sun in heaven. And a loving reunion with her sister and many others who adored her and who have gone before her.
I had video to be with her in her last moments. I was able to talk with her before she declined to much. There was gratitude and love. And I honestly believe that she felt I was right there, at her bed. The miracle of modern technology actually allowed us to see each other via video chat every single day since we became aware of her dementia. Before that, a weekly Zoom meeting was our tradition.
Because I was not quick enough to physically be with her in her last moments, I took my watercolours and painted her portrait while she was in the process of dying. I had not touched watercolours for a long time, ever since I got into acrylics. But emotions are wet, so it seemed like a fitting medium. As an artist, this is how I process emotions with serenity.
I wanted to focus on her, not have any distractions, but also not sit inactive as a blubbering mass of tears while waiting for her last moments. I took her motto to heart. I did something positive. I painted her based on a photograph taken just a few days before she left us. In her element, sitting in the sun, with a happy smile on her face.
All manner of things will be well. And all will be well.
Bye mom. I love you. And thank you for being my mother!